last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
