I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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