She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
