Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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