I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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