You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
