I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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