I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
