I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
