I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
