I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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