I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
