Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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