walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize