you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
