She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize