what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Vodka?
Forever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
