And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.