Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (1095) Bad night (3572)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands

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  (301): All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands http://tfl.nu/k9zw
  Replies (10) Good night (4429) Bad night (928)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?

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  (480): He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere. (602): Why would he say turtle mid-fuck? http://tfl.nu/okxi
  Replies (17) Good night (5753) Bad night (1236)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.

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  (612): Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/coa8
  Replies (17) Good night (4458) Bad night (1383)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

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  (305): Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend. http://tfl.nu/xxmf
  Replies (6) Good night (3940) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

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  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (10114) Bad night (1057)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".

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  (780): just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency". http://tfl.nu/5vs5
  Replies (7) Good night (3172) Bad night (691)
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  (213): View more from California

  I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus

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  (213): I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus http://tfl.nu/i6gi
  Replies (5) Good night (834) Bad night (1750)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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  (602): If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection! (623): It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now... http://tfl.nu/u3ol
  Replies (6) Good night (2484) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great

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  (435): And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great http://tfl.nu/18wk
  Replies (0) Good night (744) Bad night (444)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."

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  (763): she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant." http://tfl.nu/1vw9
  Replies (7) Good night (453) Bad night (824)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?

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  (561): Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun? http://tfl.nu/syxe
  Replies (2) Good night (934) Bad night (241)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?

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  (847): I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now? http://tfl.nu/ffln
  Replies (0) Good night (600) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.

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  (847): My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital. http://tfl.nu/g98t
  Replies (3) Good night (1155) Bad night (344)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.

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  (978): I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping. http://tfl.nu/amws
  Replies (0) Good night (377) Bad night (190)

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