it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.