Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"