I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.