she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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