wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
