There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
