Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
