What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
