we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
