Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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