but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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