she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
