4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
