Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
