bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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