Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
