Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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