they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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