apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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