I'm jealous of your bromance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is wine microwaveable?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
