Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
