Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
