were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
