Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
