then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
