the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize