Got a toothbrush?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
