doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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