it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
