Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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