those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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