At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
