im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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