fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize