My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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