I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
