Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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