those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
